When I got dumped

Generally women are not the ones who are broken up with, they usually whip out the "We need to talk", "It's not you, it's me" ..."But, we can still be friends" lines and men, I would assume, are kinda used to being dumped so although it might hurt and it could be earth shattering, it's hardly ever unexpected. So I never thought I would actually get dumped, the thought of it seemed embarrassing somehow, like something I should be ashamed of, because things like that don't happen to nice girls but it happened to me. I can't really say it was humbling because while it was happening, I'm pretty sure I thought life as I knew it was over. My ego had nothing to do with the pain, my first instinct was probably to try and fix it. Which can be a little difficult when you didn't actually do anything wrong. Getting dumped simply because they like someone else more than they like you. There really is no quick fix for that. No apology or bunch of red roses would do the trick. 

In this particular instance when you are the dumper (the one who dumps) you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for the eventual end of the relationship and so by the time it happens you're cool you know coz you've made peace with it and gotten all your necessary closure and possibly even have another gig lined up (another conquest or suitor). But, when you are the dumpee (the one being dumped), you generally don't see it coming, don't have the time to prepare for it and the shock to your system can be pretty mind numbing. For me it felt like, you know how supposedly you kill vampires by ripping their hearts out of their chests? Well that was me, like someone had literally grabbed my heart out of my chest and was holding it in their hand & squeezing really hard. Or perhaps, for those of you who have asthma, like when you have an asthma attack and it feels like someone is squeezing your lungs real tight and so you just start crying coz you don't know what else to do to show how much pain you're in. And that's what I did, I cried and cried and cried. I think I cried everyday for two weeks. I would cry myself to sleep at night and then wake up in the morning and remember I had been dumped and start crying again. Like clockwork, everyday! I would randomly start crying while walking to/from class and I didn't even care who was watching. The tears would just start dripping out of me, like there was a switch in my brain that would remember how much it all hurt hahahahahaha I laugh now but it wasn't funny then. I don't know what made me stop crying but one day I woke up and the tears weren't there. And I stopped.

That's the great thing about time though! It heals! I could never go back to that moment and feel that pain again as it was. Now it's just a memory of something that happened, of a story I like telling people to remind them that nothing is permanent. And as much as anything hurts right now, today...tomorrow it's gonna hurt less until it just doesn't anymore. 

 

Anyway, I was doing my 1st year in varsity when this happened and I would love to say I'm so much more wiser now and I would never cry over a dude for two weeks because I'm a grown-up but as the Wizard of Oz said to the Tin man: Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. 

I think the worst thing about being the dumpee in this particular instance is that well you have nothing to fix really, you can't be a better you, or make the other person the dumper is leaving you for less interesting to the dumper. It's easy if perhaps you cheated or there has been a gradual deterioration of the relationship, coz then it's not a surprise, like an earthquake. I honestly think that person has made up their mind by then and nothing you say or do can make them stay. I really don't think people wake up one morning and randomly decide they are breaking up with someone, there's a build-up, a behind the scenes moment that you just don't know about. 

Anyway, writing this made me remember this one line from a song I love by Rachael Yamagata called 'Elephants'

"So for those of you falling in love, keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right. Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night."

I think that's pretty sound advice from one dumpee to another ;-)