Twenty-Five...

So, I finally turned 25 and all that was on my mind those last few hours was...I need to watch Finding Nemo Lol I know some of you might have expected something deeper like I was sitting there staring into the sunset thinking about where my life is going now that I was in my mid-20s. Well I wasn't, all I had in my mind was Nemo and the reason for that being that I was trying to do more things on the list of 25 things to do before I turn 25. I wish I could say I did very well on this list, but no, I wasn't able to complete it like I anticipated but all is not lost, I'm turning 30 in 5 years time so I have a few more years to come up with an even better list. Maybe next time I'll give myself more time though, a month was a little rushed. Anyway, here's an update:

Number 1 *drum roll please* I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENCE!!!!!! :-) After taking a whole box of calmettes for my nerves, and sweating in the furious Durban heat practising my parking, on the 25th of January, I passed my drivers licence test. I would post a picture of it but I look like a convict in my temporary drivers licence and today I picked up my drivers licence card and I look even worse so no, I will spare you the horror hahahahaha! The only thing that could have possibly beat the euphoria of this one was maybe finishing my Masters thesis, which was no.2 on the list. Still have not finished it but ya, I don't even wanna comment on this anymore, I'm just gonna do it!!

#3. I was all set and ready to watch Finding Nemo. I had it streamed it on my laptop during the day, ready for me to watch later and then bang: NO EAR PHONES :( My laptop speakers were broken at the time and I needed earphones to be able to hear sound but my boyfriend had borrowed them that day and forgot to give them back so I STILL don't know how Nemo was found. 

#4. I managed to drive to Pietermaritzburg on my own, went more than once actually. The first time, I just decided to surprise my mother one Sunday and pitched in the morning. It made me appreciate all those trips she's made to Durban taking me to varsity and picking me up, so much more after she made me pick my little cousin up from home when she had to return to campus after the vac.

#5. I totally wasn't able to go a day without social networks, I'm not sure I even tried Lol

#6. I think I succeeded like ONCE at waking up at 7am...I failed dismally at this but in my defence I sleep really late and, and...and nothing, I just can't.

#7. I was winning at this and I was so proud of myself but a few days before my birthday I succumbed to the temptation when I had a deadline to meet and just needed to chew gum, hard!

#8. I substituted fizzy drinks for Vitamin Water, which ended up being an obsession but it's healthier right so...

#9. I did dye my hair but it wasn't as radical as I thought it would be, was quite subtle. I think I washed my hair too quickly after applying the dye but I was actually just worried my hair might fall out hahahahahaha

#10. No vision board! I didn't even try :(

#11. This one was also actually pretty awesome because it so happened that AFCON was being played in South Africa this year and after watching the first game at the stadium I was hooked. So much fun!! AND it helped that the national team won their game (they don't usually win games). I was also convinced that I was their good luck charm until they lost in the semi-finals or was it quarter finals, I can't be sure, I was just so happy to be there. 

#12. I did NOT make it to church every Sunday :(

#13. As of today I have 406 followers on Twitter WITHOUT participating in #FollowFriday Lol

#14. I hadn't received Ayanda's letter when I wrote this list and when I got it I was sooooo happy, it came exactly on my birthday actually so I couldn't reply before I turned 25. But I'm definitely replying. 

#15. I DID NOT STOP BEING STUBBORN!

#16, 17 and 18. Did not take the train in the Durban or do a full medical exam OR drink 8 glasses of water everyday.

#19. I did start a blog, you're reading it and you're gonna share it with your all friends and family :)

#20. I managed to delete as many people as I could on my facebook that I didn't actually know. More than just deleting people I don't know, really it was people who don't know me, invite me on facebook and then nothing, they never comment on a single status, or picture or ANYTHING...I guess they just figured they were so interesting that I had to know them Lol. I'm down to 769 from 1086.

#21. Mbali Gee got to be the person I called that I haven't spoken to in over a year, it also helped that it was her birthday, which made it even better.

#22. The stranger I bought lunch for wasn't exactly the stranger I had in my mind actually. I was hoping to get it for a homeless person. It ended up being a girl I had met in the res TV room. 

#23. Sadly, I still don't know how to change a car tyre BUT I think I can redeem  myself on this one because I got car AND tyre insurance for my car and they tell me all I need to do is call them for assistance so I won't need to. 

#24. Yay...I have started learning to programme with R. Gives me a headache at times but I'm trying...

#25. Yeah, I didn't drive to Joburg, driving to Pietermaritzburg from Durban was more than enough for me at the moment. 

Well that's that for now...look out for another one in like 4 years when I'm 29 eeeeek!!

Dear Human

To me, the best thing about being human has to be that at any moment, we can be born again. We make mistakes in life, disappoint people who love us, feel lost and alone and lose faith in everything we believe in but out of all that hurt somehow there comes a moment when you can start over. The thing I love most about the rain, especially when it's been raining for days and everything looks dulls, is the moment it stops raining and that first ray of sunlight comes shining through. I wish there was a picture I could put to show but I think we've all seen it and maybe, some of us just didn't take the time to take it in and appreciate it. At that moment everything looks fresh and new, like a new beginning, pretty much like it was born again. 

As human beings, I truly believe we get opportunities to be born again. After you have messed up, and things have gone horribly wrong, you always have a chance to start over SOMEHOW.  It might not always be in the same space you were in or exactly the same way you had imagined or wanted it to be but it's important to realize that change isn't always a bad thing, it's just an opportunity for each one of us live and learn and grow, and continue to love.

My friend sent me this this morning, I thought it was perfect for how I'm feeling right now. Which is, I have renewed faith in that, well I'm not getting things horribly wrong, I'm flawed and fabulous and that's ok. And even though sometimes I forget, it's always a great feeling when I remember again :-)

I want more joy in my life Part 2

So after my last blog post last night, a very wise friend of mine (I have lots of wise friends, I'm still hoping their wiseness will rub off on me) gave me this response to my Eat, Pray, Love moment... or whatever it was, and I told her that I would blog it because everyone needs to hear it, and maybe someone was feeling like me last night and they needed to hear it. This is what she said to me: 

IN RESPONSE TO YOUR BLOG...YES I READ YOUR BLOG:

The secret to happiness, huh? Oh darling look at you falling right into Alice's Rabbit hole. Welcome to existential crisis 101...you are the teacher and the student and class started 24 years ago...eish! If we knew the secret to happiness then we would do it and stop living! because well honey...it's all about the journey and not the destination. The meer fact that you are asking such questions doesn't mean you don't live a fulfilling life but rather that you are in the pursuit of happiness...we should all be in pursuit of happiness. It's what makes the journey interesting. Think of it this way, if we only had joy and no pain, we wouldn't fully appreciate happiness because we wouldn't understand how rare and precious it is to have it. I for one have read EAT PRAY LOVE and well, after writing "Om Namah Shivaya" (I honour the divinity that resides within me) a couple of times, I'd had enough of self-help and I realised that that lady had way too much money...also, aint the point of self help to SELF help...anyway, I digress. The point is darling face, you are exactly where you need to be right now. Asking questions. Feeling all that you are feeling, warts and ugly cries too. Its meant to be there, its part of the pursuit of happiness. Don't try to control the process, because sometimes, we need moments like this to remind us about the things we really want. You are a beautiful being and are loved so very much. Honour the divinity in you, trust the journey and I promise you, when you have worked through this rough part, the first time you have a good belly laugh after a deep cry is the moment you recognise the necessity for the pain...don't get me wrong, it sux balls, but when you wrestle and work through the hard bits you learn to tap into more of your strength and I think, maybe, perhaps, that might be the closest to happiness? Now go have a donut and dance around singing your favourite song, because you are epic:) xx

This made me cry and smile and made me happy all at 

once because she was so right in so many 

ways and I knew it. I just needed someone to remind 

me :)

I want more joy in my life

I came across a quote today, that said "I want more joy in my life" and I had a moment where I thought yes, that's what I want as well but when I really started to think about it, I didn't really know where more joy would come from. I started to think what would I really want, if I lived in a perfect world. The people in my life I speak to often know I'm always saying this "In a perfect world..." whenever I'm about to say something that would probably never happen, not that it couldn't happen but I've already decided that it won't so it gets to go in my "in a perfect world..." list. 
Anyway, I'm not having such a great day today so it could be impacting on why I can't think of ways to get more joy in my life. I won't go into the boring details on why I'm having a less than perfect day, my friend has already received a lengthy  email of why in my opinion my day has been terrible. She responded by saying she would read my email tomorrow, I'm guessing it she took a look at the length of it and probably the subject line that says "Therapy" didn't appetize her. Anyway, I told her maybe tomorrow I might have slit my wrists but whatever...(no, I won't slit my wrists but what are friends for if not for emotional blackmail?)

The reason I thought I should blog about this was because I wanted to know, from other people, if they knew exactly would make their lives perfect because I don't think I know. I know little things that would make me momentarily happy, like a funny joke or someone telling me I look pretty today but I have no idea of the things that could bring more permanent joy in my life. Even as I type this, I keep thinking about it and I just hit a wall. I'm also a little concerned that I don't know the answer to this, is it even ok that I don't know or does it mean I have some deep issues that would require actual therapy and not just sending an email to a friend I think knows me better than anyone. 
Strangely enough the more I realise I don't have an answer, the more this image of me just having a Eat, Pray, Love moment that would require me to go and find myself in a foreign country keeps popping up in my head. And I'm thinking, maybe the fact that I don't know means I'm not living my life to the fullest like all those self-help books say (FYI, I've never read any but I imagine that's what they say) because  that's always the cure to everything!...Or maybe, just maybe, I had a bad day and I need a hug. 
Anyway, sleep cures everything (most things). I'll go to sleep and forget I was sad and I will dream dreams that I will also forget by morning. And even though I might remember tomorrow what made me sad today, it won't seem nearly as important as it does right now and that will make all the difference. And maybe tomorrow, I'll be able to answer where and how I can get more joy in my life because I know I definitely want it. 

You have to make it work with what you've got!

I wasn't sure how to start this blog post, I kept erasing every line I typed because I didn't know how to introduce this topic but basically it's about skin lightening creams, there I said it! I've been meaning to type this for a while now, I even told my friend how it was going to be my next post because I felt so passionate about it. However, I always felt guilty every time I thought about typing it because well, I wasn't doing that great with typing my thesis so I always figured I should concentrate my efforts on that.
Anyway, the need to blog about this came about when I saw a girl I've known for a few years now, we are not friends or anything, just someone I've seen on campus. Now the thing that shocked me about her was well how she looked considerably...different! No, she hadn't shed a few kilos and she might have had a different hairstyle but I wouldn't have cared about that. She was just, well...10 shades lighter in complexion than she used to be! Of course she wasn't the first woman I had noticed who had decided to lighten her skin but the question I've always wanted to ask them but have never had the courage to I guess, was, did they think we wouldn't notice?? I mean, if your shirt went from being brown in colour to being yellow, I'm pretty sure you would notice, ANYONE would! So what I'm always perplexed with is the question of that well has lightening ones skin become such a normal thing to do now that people are no longer embarrassed that people will notice or they just want to be light skinned so badly they really don't care what anyone says?

I'm not going to go into the details of all the bad side effects of skin lightening creams, I'm pretty sure we all know, we have seen the effects in older women in our parents generation when skin lightening creams were the thing to use and now they have black blemishes and scars on their faces or some look constantly sun burnt and their skin looks kinda red (FYI for those using them now, that's what you will look like when you are older).
I'm also not interested in going into whether if you use skin lightening creams you have self esteem issues and you don't love yourself the way you should because well you are probably beautiful they way you are. I'm not here to judge, I mean I hate the size of my feet and if there was surgery to reduce their size I would probably do it!!
AND I'm also not here to criticise all those people out there who think ones complexion is the definition of beauty. I will not call you shallow, it's probably not your fault that you think this way, it's the media's fault I've heard.
We are all allowed to have our preferences in what we think is beautiful and that's all fine and well. What I don't appreciate is when obviously someone will be regarded as not being beautiful because of something like their complexion and generally, dark skinned women are the target of such comments, that's that shit I don't like!

All I would really like to know from these women is if they didn't think we would notice and maybe when they decide to go on this venture to bleach their skin, isn't there a place where they could do their whole body because it looks so disturbing having to see someone who ONLY has a light skinned face and the rest of them is just...NOT!
My mother has always warned me about using skin lightening creams, that it's bad, bad, bad and she once told me this joke (well I think it's a joke, because if it's not then it's really tragic). She says once, an old man was sitting in a taxi and there was this woman in the taxi who was light in complexion. This old man proceeded to slap a dark skinned hand off this woman's face that looked to be the hand of someone else because it did not resemble the woman's face, and he kindly asked the owner of that hand to remove it from that light skinned woman's face. The punch line of the joke was that this dark skinned hand actually belonged to this woman!! I tell this joke to a lot of people because like my mother, I discourage people from using skin lightening creams because I just don't have want to have that awkward conversation with them to ask them what happened to their face that didn't happen to the rest of their body?!

Personally, I really believe that as a person you just have to work with what you've got. And this applies across the board, with your weight, your height, your hair...your you,whatever you is. There's nothing better than that, because frankly, no one can do YOU better than YOU so why create competition for yourself trying to look like someone else. That someone else will beat you with experience at being them. Now you're just going to be second place to someone else when you could have been first and only place at looking like you.

I was telling a friend of mine recently  how I wonder how guys pick girlfriends now when the majority of girls now look the same, just variations of the same thing, same hair, same clothes, same everything. And I tried to console myself with that well perhaps their personalities are still different, and so they work with that distinction. Maybe I'm being dramatic and men don't even notice this?!

By the way, I have to mention that it's not only dark skinned women who engage in skin lightening apparently. I once overheard a conversation between two very light skinned girls and they were worried that they were losing their light skinnedness and they needed to use skin lightening creams to keep their pristine light skin complexion. I laughed, obviously, but I also felt sorry for them that that's all they felt they had going for them in the looks department.

Anywho...my thesis won't write itself!
Peace...

p.s I am not light skinned ;)